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"That's why she said yes," said my husband. This kicked off a lively discussion, and soon most of the paired-up males on the team realized that the women in their lives had committed to them under similar circumstances. All of them made the connection that, in one way or another, they had been accepted soon after they had been tested by their girlfriends in some arena that had seriously mattered -- and they were not found wanting.
Consciously or unconsciously, most women want proof that a man will act heroically on their behalf before they agree to marry. After all, if I'm going to give everything I have for 20 years raising his cubs and tending his cave, I want to make damn sure he'll give everything he has, too, to providing and protecting that investment. I want to know that he's crazy-assed nuts about me, and willing to do whatever wild thing it takes to keep our family whole. A lot of our most enduring courtship rituals are coded ways in which men communicate, via their actions, this same message.
My own husband's test was more acute than most: he put himself between me and an angry person who was going for a gun with the declared intent to shoot me. Within a few agile moments, he secured the gun, effected my escape, and likely saved my life in the process. (Not the usual test, no. And I should mention here that my husband is a serious martial artist, trained for just such moments. Do not try this at home, OK?) It's a bit melodramatic to think your partner would gladly die defending you; but for me, this is not an abstract secnario, but rather proven knowledge. He put his big, bad self in front of a bullet for me, without a second thought for his own safety.
A week later, I was at his side, and have not left it in the eleven years since. He had been tested, and definitely not found wanting.
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